Thanks for such a thought provoking post. I think there is an additional layer to bullying behavior as well—trauma and past stressors.
I haven’t worked in the service industry for a long time, but vividly remember being on the receiving end of bullying behavior from a school mate. While it was true the power dynamic (patron v server, $$ v not even having a pizza to my name) played a role, I quickly realized the behavior was modeled/inherited from his douchebag of a father. The family attempted to make me feel small, threatened my job. Would have been a horrible experience if not for the bong hit before work.
Years later, after this schoolmate and i went to the same college, became friends, and are now constantly in each other’s lives, we discussed his grotesque behavior in his youth. Home life was bad and that was the only way he knew how to deal with people at that stage. It lead to a warped understanding of the world—one where a nonsensical (and nonexistent) power struggle existed.
He’s a good person now and fosters too many puppies.
Upon first glance at this on IG, I was thinking of bullying as it pertains to the BOH hierarchy. But I suppose the patrons themselves are those with the ultimate authority. What can be done to equalize the power balance between the server and the one being served? In the hospitality industry building tips into the salary, taking away the authority of the patron to determine how much they think the server deserves.
Bullying is an inevitable part of human nature, and thrives in systems that favor power imbalance and hierarchy. We built these systems to fight the tendency towards chaos and disorder, and without them, society would indeed be chaos. I think within every being is an internal angst, a need to control something. My god, we had no control over our own birth. We didn't elect to live, to suffer, to die. So we control what is within our power to control. None of us elected our own destiny. Making others miserable is a way to deal with our own misery, the true powerlessness of being.
Thanks for such a thought provoking post. I think there is an additional layer to bullying behavior as well—trauma and past stressors.
I haven’t worked in the service industry for a long time, but vividly remember being on the receiving end of bullying behavior from a school mate. While it was true the power dynamic (patron v server, $$ v not even having a pizza to my name) played a role, I quickly realized the behavior was modeled/inherited from his douchebag of a father. The family attempted to make me feel small, threatened my job. Would have been a horrible experience if not for the bong hit before work.
Years later, after this schoolmate and i went to the same college, became friends, and are now constantly in each other’s lives, we discussed his grotesque behavior in his youth. Home life was bad and that was the only way he knew how to deal with people at that stage. It lead to a warped understanding of the world—one where a nonsensical (and nonexistent) power struggle existed.
He’s a good person now and fosters too many puppies.
Upon first glance at this on IG, I was thinking of bullying as it pertains to the BOH hierarchy. But I suppose the patrons themselves are those with the ultimate authority. What can be done to equalize the power balance between the server and the one being served? In the hospitality industry building tips into the salary, taking away the authority of the patron to determine how much they think the server deserves.
Bullying is an inevitable part of human nature, and thrives in systems that favor power imbalance and hierarchy. We built these systems to fight the tendency towards chaos and disorder, and without them, society would indeed be chaos. I think within every being is an internal angst, a need to control something. My god, we had no control over our own birth. We didn't elect to live, to suffer, to die. So we control what is within our power to control. None of us elected our own destiny. Making others miserable is a way to deal with our own misery, the true powerlessness of being.